A man has taken to Reddit to see if he was wrong for refusing to do the dishes after his wife called him her "dish b**ch."
Posting to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum under the username u/notakitchenbthrow, the man explained that he used to do the dishes during his lunch breaks so that he and his wife could spend more time with their kids at night. But this quickly changed after the man overheard his wife make "demeaning" comments about him to her friends.
The post has received more than 8,800 votes and over 1,500 comments.
"A couple weeks ago my wife had a few of her girlfriends over for drinks," the man said. "I was in the other room watching tv but I could hear them talking and laughing and I heard my wife make a comment about how she has trained me so well, I come home on my lunch break to do the dishes and called me her 'dish b**ch.'
"It really rubbed me the wrong way. Even if she was just joking with her friends, it felt really demeaning to me and felt like she was putting me down so that she could feel bigger in front of her friends," he continued.
The following day, the man decided not to do the dishes during his lunch break. When his wife asked him why he simply responded: "[Your] 'dish b**ch' [is] on strike."
He continued to tell her that the comments she made upset him, but she argued that she was just "joking."
"I told her I want to believe her, but I honestly don't think she was just joking," he said. From that point on, he would no longer do the dishes during his break.
This, of course, led to an argument between the couple, and his wife said he was "overreacting" and claimed he was "being an a**hole."
"I told her respect goes both ways and she doesn't get to put me down to her friends to make her feel bigger," the man concluded.
In her book which was excerpted by TED Ideas, Jennifer Petriglieri Ph.D. recommended that couples effectively communicate a strategy for dividing various chores. She explained that a clearly-communicated plan allows couples to manage their home while avoiding arguments.
"There are two main strategies. The first is division, where you divide the tasks and each of you takes responsibility for those assigned to you," Petriglieri wrote. "Some couples choose to divide the tasks equally, while others assign proportionally more tasks to one partner who perhaps has a less demanding career or a greater desire to get things done."
Additionally, she said that couples could employ "turn-taking," which allows couples to pass responsibilities back and forth based upon the demands of their individual schedules.
Regardless of which method a couple chooses, Petriglieri reminded couples to be clear with one another.
"Whatever you pick, the key is clarity," she concluded. "Tensions almost always stem from a lack of clarity, rather than a lack of equity."
In his case, the argument between the Redditor and his wife arose from a lack of appreciation or respect. Commenters were sensitive to this and jumped to the man's defense.
"NTA [not the a**hole]. [Your] wife demeaned you to her friends," said u/GreatWhiteNorthExtra.
"Totally uncalled for on her end—would've been just as easy to compliment you or show appreciation in any conceivable way, but nope. NTA," said another commenter.
"Simply because someone tells a 'joke' doesn't mean it can't be hurtful or inappropriate. I'm so tired of people trying to shield themselves behind 'comedy' when they're just being mean, cruel, rude, patronizing, rude, or flat out negative towards others," added u/HarnessMeDesignsOUB. "NTA."
"dish" - Google News
October 28, 2021 at 12:44AM
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Internet Backs Man Who Won't Do the Dishes After Wife Called Him Her 'Dish B**ch' - Newsweek
"dish" - Google News
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